You Give Me Faith

I never want to hate my life, but I have to

Written with Love on Sunday, 3 January 2010 | back to top

I am back in Singapore!

Yeah, I'm finally back here, again.. Kinda feels that life sucks this way.. They bring you the ups and then let you feel the downs.. I understand that balance should exist but it just sucks.. Who don't love having all the fun, being with the people you love and just enjoy every moment of life?

And this holiday sets me thinking much more than usual.. I don't know if it should be a good thing or not but things just scare and bother me.. Things like family.. When I was young, I always think that adults are like Gods.. I don't think they make mistakes.. Like big mistakes.. Always thought that they have a lot more experience and all they want is what is best for their loved ones.. So even though I was never a good daughter, I always think that they are right.. I'm pretty rebellious but I know inside my heart I should have listened to them.. But, I'm wrong this time round..

Adults are just normal human.. They make stupid mistakes.. They cry, laugh and have weaknesses too.. They are not perfect and no matter what they do, they cant have everything their way and they are childish too..

It just scares me.. I don't know how to exactly explain this because this just is just weird.. There is something inside me that is really bothered by that fact and I have yet to figure that part out.. I don't understand why do I have to be scared but isn't the idea of growing up too fast scares you? I mean I'm getting older each day, each minute, each second and yet I am nothing close to being a grown up.. An adult.. I'm still to childish to survive on my own.. I wonder what kind of person I'll be? What kind of adult? Will I still be me? May be I won't realize it at that point of time that I have changed or matured and it's going to make me a different person... What if it is a bad thing? Will there be anyone to tell me that its wrong still?

I don't know this is ridiculous, I know but I am scared of change.. Not that I don't want to mature but I am scared that I will ignore and draw a lone from people that used to matter a great deal to me, treat them differently and have them as strangers.. :[ its so sad don't you think? I have seen how different people can be.. How they change... And it is obviously disappointing but I can't run away from it.. I can't tell you how much it hurts especially when you heard bad things about them and you refuse to believe it and you found out how true it is.. Or worse you see it yourself.. It really sets you thinking, who the hell is he?! Or he used to call me this, he used to say this, asks this, begs this and that.. Or we used to do this together, we used to play that, talk about this, joke and laugh at that, eat this, drink that.. But what happened? Thousands more questions came up of course.. You only have 1 answer though.. He has changed.. Just that.. And it hurts :( My heart aches badly : (

Ah! Ignore me please! I kinda lose my sense right now.. Have too much in my mind and just need to spit everything out.. haha okay may be a little update of what I did during the holiday? Humm, I can't probably remember anymore so why not start with 26 December? I'll only say what I remember doing (:

I came back to Singapore on 26th n I was sick.. I thought that I was dying haha luckily got better Had plan to fly to Jakarta really suddenly.. It was shocking but I did not have the heart to reject my mum.. I rejected her for billion of times already.. Some more this time round is for my sister.. I should do something good for her once in a while right? Ended up missing Accounting, again.. Which means that I have to work triple hard now! (speaking of triple, they have triple cheese burger in Mac donald Samarinda! OMG! haha!)

Anyway, flew to Jakarta after 4 days being in Singapore.. That was the coolest thing I have ever done! Stayed up late to finish projects and stuffs but it was not as easy as I thought it would be.. and guess what? I am still doing it up until now! haish, I need to speed up! : {

I was kinda cheated for the trip to Jakarta because I forgot that doctors are away on the New Year's day! and they close early on the New Year's Eve! Great! haha On Wednesday, 30 dec, my dad and brothers went to see doctors already but my dad gotta come back for some other things another day.. Afterwards, they fetch me and my sis at the airport.. Like I said, Gavin drove. I was happy to see everyone including my used-to-be-closed cousins.. Really.. But things are a little awkward? I don't know what is wrong, things just change.. I think it's just foolish of me to expect a lot.. Now may be you know why I don't expect a lot from others.. Because hopes always fail me..

Anyway, it was already late when I arrived so all we could do was to go back to the hotel and take photos! haha ok, we went for dinner first and then I had my first facial! : D I kinda like it? But I shouldn't do it often.. haha Han-han was so funny,, I can still recall how bored he was and how angry he was after all the pain he went through and how many scoldings I got from him afterwards.. haha Then went back to room to do project then rest..

Friday morning we went to see doctor till afternoon and then move to Dusit Hotel (the name has changed but I cant seem to recall it : P) I cant rmb what we did next because I think we spent most of the time resting and I walked around Mangga Dua for a while to get some food. Bought a new shirt and the shop closes! haha So little time we had : ( we refers to my mum and I.. I cant rmb where was the rest? lols Because, coincidentally my uncle from Balikpapan was in Jakarta too, my aunts and the rest planned family dinner to celebrate the new year..

We were supposed to eat at 7 but we got out from the hotel at 7 lols We really took a long time to bathe and get ready : P Ate at Canton Bay at Plaza Senayan.. Food wasn't bad and I thought I'd have a great time but I should have sat with my mum and siblings.. It would be fun.. We went back to hotel and counted down there.. From our room, we can see awesome fireworks! It's really awesome! seriously! It was playing for like 5 to 10 minutes? and It was so pretty! so many colours n types! and some are near some are far.. There was a straight line of fireworks! Awesome ttm! : D

On the 1st 3 families went to Taman Safari! : D Its like Singapore Zoo? Difference is that there were so much more things to do inside besides looking at animals and watch shows.. Its the driving type.. So you'd have to drive pass the animals which are free to move around.. We bought a lot of carrots to feed them (: it was a lot of fun! : D although the journey there take hours due to the heavy traffic jam but It is really worth it!

I rode a camel, fed zebras, deers, bulls and many more.. Watched cowboy show which is really fantastic! Ate a lot of food and the weather was cooling and nice (: I would love to come back again! But it was really tiring.. We went out early in the morning at around 9 (which was way behind schedule due to some unforeseen circumstances) and reached Jakarta back at midnight! Went to Ie Achai's house and saw her dog, Bonso.. I havent seen him for only 2 years and he is like so HUGE! Well, his head is small but his body is damn big.. and he is not tall.. so he looks kinda weird.. Still, he is cute ( :

Yesterday, i spent 2 hours shopping.. Woke up late so was out quite late too.. Mum was mad like crazy.. Cant rmb why she was so angry.. : ( I can't really shop because she kept worrying bout this and that and was angry about this and that.. haish.. It was pretty hard to find gifts.. Horribly expensive man! I normally go there and shop but I dont recall the price being so steep? Anyway, bought a few clothes! yay! Like really a few : ( I didnt have the time.. Wanted to stay and shop but I spouted that I wanted to watch 4D with my siblings and uncle... so my mum insisted that I follow them! OMG! Like seriously she was that angry... My aunt laughed at me! haha I wanted to stay but my mum didnt want me.. :( In the end I had not shopped enough : ( Luckily, in Samarinda I did my shopping (: HEEEEE

Guys' clothes are really really expensive there! Crazy! It was so hard to find a good deal loh! I'd rather get from a shopping mall.. lols There were so many nice shirts and tee but the price is too high so Im sorry, I can't get all of you a gift haha.. Budget constraint : P

I shall go to sleep now or else I wont be able to wake up tomorrow morning : ( I hate school life.

Anyway, photos are up on fb! : D