You Give Me Faith

nostalgia~

Written with Love on Tuesday, 22 April 2008 | back to top

this afternoon..
rememberd bout my childhood..
bout my primary and secondary one days in indonesia~
and most of my memories are about schools and friends..
now if i go back..
i'd usually stick arnd my family..
its not bcz i dont have any friends..
but after staying in singapore..
i realised how precious a family can be~
during business orientation..
there were 2 girls talking abt their experiences in vietnam fr 10 weeks..
and they say they were having difficulties..
such as they'll have to be independent,manage their finances as well as discussing evrything wth their frens..
they also mentiond tht livin with frens are not as easy as it seems~
and i totally agree wth tht..
i definitely learn how to be independent..
but till now i still fail to manage my finance~
hehe ;p
cz u know somethings are just too tempting~~ ;p
hehe ;p
ok back to the topic again..
they also say tht language was one of the problem..
yea~
when i fst came to singapore..
i was like goin to mars!
haha ;p
cz everybody speaks English..
and the english is different from the one tht i've learnt in indonesia..
at least the way singaporean speaks is different..
and as i was onli 13 (i guess going to be 13)
i missed home a lot..
i missed my frens and my siblings a lot..
cz in indonesia i love to play wth them~
and adapting to a new environment definitely NOT easy~
further more, i used to talk to my mum everyday..
i used to tell her everything thts happening at skul and home~
so not talking to her for a day makes me feel really sad..
and evrytime i gt thru the day with a smile..
i mean tht i bein to adapt and didnt miss home tht much..
the next morning when i woke up..
seein a different place..
a diffrent environtment and different ppl..
just made me shaded tears..
and i think i lost myself..
i wasnt the old me..
i didnt even have goals and dreams to lead my journey..
i lost my direction..
so wad i did was go with the flow..
did wad others did..
went to places tht others went..
and it took me a year to finally realised tht thts not wad i wan..
to find myself back..
to be me again..
of course i cant be the same old me anymore..
and of course it was hard to change..
but did it!
and dont u think tht 1 year is a very long tym?
i've wasted one year of my life just pondering arnd and losin myself..
now come to think of i i really pitty myself..
of not bein able to control my own emotions and fr not able to understand myself..
but i feel proud tht i can actually passd evrything..
instead i have matured!
i have gone thru some of the things tht many havent come to know..
i have realised some important facts tht many teenagers take as granted..
but i think the most important thing is tht..
i have been fighting mentally wth myself~
and fr tht im really proud of myself~ ;p
guys..
i wanna tell u one thing..
u need a direction to reach ur destination..
means tht..
u need an aim or goal to accomplish ur dreams!
think abt it..
plan and work hard fr ur dreams!
remember tht nothing comes easy in this world..
i think coming to singapore to study is really a good choice..
is sth tht i may regret at fst but im glad makin it now..
cz ever since i came..
i have changed a lot!
not onli in appearance (as i gt fatter,shorter,uglier)
haha ;p
but also in character..
i used to be a shy person..
i mean onli when u gt to knw me then i'll talk nonstop to u~
unlike now..
i talk nonstop to ANYBODY~
haha ;p
last time i dont express my feelings much..
im not good with words..
and i used to hide when i feel sad..
when im goin to cry and all..
but now??
haha 390 degrees different!
haha ;p
i become louder and more spontaneous..
i dont even think b4 i speak like i used to..
tho i still cant express a lot of my feelings as i feel embarrassd bout it..
i'll usually wrte it down..
and now i cry wen i feel like crying..
i dont even hold back my tears and all~
and bcz of tht i gt more and more emotional..
but i dont gt angry as easily as i used to!
yay!~
hehe ;p
but as i choose the above terms..
my opportunity cost is my weight and height!
hiksss..
haha ;p
u shld knw if u've seen my pics 1-3 years agoo~~
haha ;p
anyway~~
all those beautiful memories of primary and sec one days in indonesia..
will always be inseide my heart..
as they are one of the most memorable days..
when i have no burden..
when i know nothing of cruelty and violence..
when all i did was play and have f with my friends..
when coming to school was like the only reason fr me to live~
haha ;p
its actually bcz (wthout realising it at fst) all my problems and sadness will just disappear
when i came t school and play with all my frens..
but evrytime i was goin home the problems and all just came back..
now come to think of it..
wad problems can i have in primary school?
haha ;p
i dun remember but it cant b a big one,can it?
haha ;p
i guess i was juz exaggerating ;p
haha ;p
u know we usually think tht we r havin a big prob but in fact its just a small one~ ;p
actually i think i have a lot to talk..
but i dun remember wad~
perhaps i'll talk bout it again nex tym~

PS.i duno whthr i should go to VENOS dinner tmr..
i feel lyk goin but i also feel lyk not goin~
i duno y..
but i juz gt this feelin tht i shouldnt go tmr~
i duno y..
will sth bad happen?
moreover,i've promised nia tht i'll b buyin the dinner tmr..
cz she's been the one buyin dinner..
haha ;p
of crse fr herself..;p
but i cant just break my promise,can i?
huuuuuh~
im really confuse!
but i wanna go with my empire~~
arggggggghhhhhhhhhhhhhhh~~
I CANT DECIDEEEEEEE!!!!

prayer
God today was alright..
i hope i'll have a better day tomorrow..
and i also hope tht all my lessons gonna be fun and exciting!
God im askin you to help me fulfil my 1st May target..
please..
i'll just go with the flow regarding the subject..
and i promise i'll work hard!
and God i hope im going to give my best to learn
puple line dance..
this is the first time im trying something new..
i hope everything will be fine~
cz i have faith in u~~

nostalgia~

Written with Love on Tuesday, 22 April 2008 | back to top